I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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