After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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