I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
