ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
