A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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