He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
