You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
