I'm lost and stupid without you.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
