We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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