Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
