I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
