you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
50% drunk capacity currently
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
