Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
