Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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