Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
