How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
