I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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