Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
