I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
