I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
