What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
