I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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