someone get that fucking seahorse.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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