Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
