He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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