She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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