Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
