nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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