I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
