and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
