no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
