A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
