found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
What a dumb baby whore.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
