Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
