He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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