So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
