I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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