I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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