I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
