if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
