GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
