New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
