The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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