We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
