you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize