the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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