yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He passed out mid-signature
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize