Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
