im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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