Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
And then he peed in my hair
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