Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
