If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
