My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
