i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
