She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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