The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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