my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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