nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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