I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
