I just threw up on my dentist
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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