Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
