I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
BRING THE BAGELS
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
