the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
