my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
