rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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