I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
