saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
When did angry sex become our thing?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
