your room smells of hookers.
And success
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When are your genitals available?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
