I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize