when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
