Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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