I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
