You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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