So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
