That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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