My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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